Vicky and the Bulging Diary

I am a big fan of telling myself that I can do anything. Life is so full of doubt and people setting limits of what is deemed to be 'realistic' that you have to fight against them to get what you want. So I constantly remind myself that things are only impossible if I don't make the effort to make them happen. And really, this mantra is the foundation of this entire blog.

What I have failed to tell myself, however, is that I am not expected to do EVERYTHING all at once.

And this, ladies and gents, is my latest downfall.

It's one of those things that has happened gradually, bubbling away in my diary as I fill the pages with a rainbow of colour coded activities. I probably should have noticed that something wasn't right when I began to run out of pens for all the categories that have accumulated in my day to day life- but alas, I did not. I am knee deep in classes, uni and shifts at work. But at least my diary is pretty, right?

Wrong.

Most definitely wrong.

*cue Cher as I grimace at my schedule*

No amount of well kempt stationary can save me from the fact that I have sold off almost every day of the week, every moment of sanity I could possibly hope for, in exchange for a giant ball of anticipatory stress.

I am essentially Voldemort. But hairier. And my horcruxes are commitments.

Or more accurately, "BIG Prob llama" 

The problem is that I love to be busy, and up until now I haven't had the confidence in myself to take on many extra-curricular activities the same way I did in high school. Yet now that I do, I am at one of the most important and stressful stages of my academic life to date.

My family generally see this as a strong and positive quality in me- that I will work hard and persevere no matter what I have on my plate. On the other hand, I think it's a good old fashioned lesson in time management. Just because I'm not taking on every opportunity put in front of me does not mean that I'm not capable of them, it just means that I know what I can handle.

The question is not, "can you do this?" but "can you do this right now?"

Studying in coffee shops sweetens the pain of deadlines: FACT

And this is what I need to start reminding myself. Although I might be in a good head space at the time, that doesn't make it a good idea to agree to things that will make life harder later on. Think ahead. I need to tell myself to take a step back, and leave some things to come back to later. And that is okay.

Unlike Hermione I don't have a time turner to save myself from my current over-subscription. I can only do the best I can with the situation I'm in... and never do this to myself again.

I do not forgive you yet for everything I am juggling right now, Past Me. But Future Me is grateful for the lesson.

Vicky x