The end of Life as I know it

Now roll your eyes back- this is not going to be as morbid as the title suggests (but it's also not entirely dramatic).

Whenever there is any form of upheaval in our lives it can be pretty overwhelming, especially when it is something that's out with your control. But how do you talk about it or understand it when it's you who has volunteered to put yourself through it?

There have been three distinct points in my life so far where I have experienced this feeling of 'the end': when I lost my mum, when the year above us left school, and when I left home to start uni. All of these times brought with them a sense of existential dread- losing prominent figures in my life and having to start again with new and unfamiliar circumstances- and each time it felt terrifying. Having my routine disturbed and being forced to accept change was and is something I loathe.

Yet looking back at these experiences now, I can safely say that there hasn't been a single time that everything hasn't ended up being okay. In fact, in each case, my life has somehow grown and improved and taught me some immensely important life lessons.

And so this is why I am about to willingly induce ending number four.

As I prepare (or rather, feebly pack and hope for the best) to leave for Australia I cannot help but think about everything I'm leaving behind. I have a job that I enjoy with some of the best co-workers I may ever have, better uni pals than I could have ever asked for and a family that will do anything for me. Why am I giving up all this for the unknown? Volunteering to end my life as I know it and start again on the other side of the world, after taking so long to find my feet, is the pinnacle of everything I try to avoid. But there lies my exact motivation.

The little voice in the back of my head keeps jumping in to remind me that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE. If it always has been before, then it will be again. I know deep down that this particular ending is going to teach me the lessons I need and help me to become the kind of person that I want to be. After everything over the last few years, I know that I am in the right frame of mind and the right chapter of my life to do it. This is my opportunity to put my own progress to the test, and I am going to grab it with both hands.

To milk a classic H.P quote, "there is a difference between what is right and what is easy", and I can tell you now, in no sense has the prospect of jetting off been easy. But that is why I know I need to do it.

Really, we all know that this isn't it. The door to my uni life hasn't shut and locked completely, I'm just having a peek through the gap of another. This is the end of life as I know it, for now.

Vicky x