The Backwards Bucket List: 21 things life has taught me so far
So this year, in place of creating more unnecessary fear and feelings of failure, I have decided not to focus on all the things I want to achieve, but all the things I already have.
Here’s my little list of 21 things that life has taught me so far. A backwards bucket list, if it were.
1. Make the most of now:
Nothing and nobody is forever. Enjoy the good in your life while it's there and appreciate the people who love you. Things may not always be like this (for better, or for worse) so it's worthwhile to step back and acknowledge everything you have.
2. Self-love is everything:
Learning to love yourself is not a vain or selfish act. It's a necessary one. Without enjoying and being comfortable with who you are as a person you cannot get the most out of life. I strongly believe that you attract the energy you put out- and only by accepting yourself can you bring other strong, loving people into your life. Also, don't ever start a relationship with someone until you have confidence in yourself. You cannot save each other, and it will only end in tears.
3. "There's more to life than sitting watching Coronation Street":
There is a world beyond your living room- EXPLORE IT! This is one of my favourite Dad quotes, and is one that I bear in mind when making scary decisions. Fill up your schedule with fun opportunities and grab chances of adventure when they are presented to you. Life is for living after all, and there's always the omnibus on a Saturday morning.
4. You can make it happen:
"He who seeks shall find" has become one of my favourite quotes, and I believe it's an important philosophy to live by. Be proactive when seeking your dreams. Anything is possible if you put enough effort into it!
5. Not everybody thinks the same way you do:
Although you might recognise the decent way to act or behave, this doesn't mean other people do. Life is not fair. Don't anticipate to be treated the way you would to others.
6. There is no rush:
The apparent deadline that depicts us all to be married off and successful by our thirties does not exist. We all follow our own paths, if we didn't, then there'd be no other avenues for us to explore. If Judi Dench and Alan Rickman are people to go by, then I'd say waiting that bit longer for the right moment is worth it.
7. Treat everybody the same:
Whether they are your manager or the janitor- be kind and be fair. Speak to folk the way you would want them to speak to you. Don't just be nice to someone because they are in a position of authority, and don't pretend to be someone you're not. You'll probably get on better with them that way.
8. Everything costs something:
A classic, but it's true- there is no such thing as a free lunch. Whether it's time, actual money or a gift, every little thing in life adds up.
9. Time is too precious for fall outs:
Is what you are arguing about just now going to matter tomorrow? If not, then you are probably wasting your time and taking your anger out on someone who is irrelevant to your actual problem. None of us know what is going to happen next, and you don't to leave things on a bad note with anybody- so try to be calm where possible and always apologise.
10. Ask for help when you need or want it:
Whether you're writing a CV, building a bed or struggling to cope with what life has thrown at you- ask for help. It is neither shameful nor a sign of weakness if you don't feel able to do something alone, and there is always somebody more qualified around to guide you.
11. Soft toys are not lame:
I left Pink Ted at home when I first started uni, thinking nobody else my age still had childhood bears. I was wrong. Ted is now friends with Pyjama Ted, Christmas Bear, Snowy and Twitter, and we are all very proud parents.
12. Say "I love you" when you feel it:
An important one, if you ask me, as I am an immensely affectionate person. Whether it feels right when filling a comfortable silence or hanging up the phone, if you love somebody then tell them. Remind them. Knowing you are loved by friends, partners, family or anyone is a beautiful feeling that is worth sharing.
13. Things get better:
It is not a cliché if it's true. No matter what you are going through, it will pass. It has an ending. Looking back at number 1, nothing lasts forever and it's important to remember that this applies to bad things too. And it is worth waiting around to see the other side.
14. If it helps you then it is valid:
One of my friends turned to me after I had a bit of a wobble last year and said, "it's not weak, it's looking after yourself", and this has always stayed with me. Do what you need to do to improve your life, whether it's blocking someone on social media or meditating or seeking therapy or anything at all, you must always put your own needs first.
15. Read widely and often:
Books, newspapers, academic journals or blogs, reading is so good for you. Educate yourself and learn more about things that interest you. Not only will you be a more articulate person, but I'm pretty sure you'll also be more interesting.
16. Make time for the people who make time for you:
It hurts when people don't put in the same effort with you as you do for them, but sometimes it's better to learn to let go. Recognise the people who are really there for you and invest more of your efforts with them.
17. Say no to things:
Lol. Big lol. I am still kind of learning this one, but the point is that I'm aware of it. Don't have time for it? Say no. Don't have the money? Say no? Don't like the people?! BIG NO. Please refer to this old blog post for the full life lesson x
18. Choose memories:
Okay, so good grades and having a bit of money behind you is important. But so is living your life. Take lots of photos and DO THINGS! Pretty sure you will regret the things you said no to more than the stuff you say yes to. Oh, and put down your phone while you're at it.
19. Put your all into everything:
This goes for relationships, friendships, research, decorating, work and hobbies. You name it, invest yourself in it. Nobody got anywhere by half-arsing their way through life.
20. Accept change:
Not from the folk at checkouts, but actual shifts in your life. Embrace when things change out with your control. Learn to flow with it and don't push against it.
21. Platonic love is more important than romantic love:
Trust me, folks, your friends will stand by you and love you far more than any partner will. They know you better than anyone and will be there to pick up the pieces whenever your life starts to fall apart. They should be the true loves of your life.*
Of course, this isn't an exhausted list, but the more prominent lessons I have learned over my 21 years on this planet. Who knows what will make its way onto the next one...
Vicky x
*Maybe I'm just being cynical, and I will happily be proved wrong!
7. Treat everybody the same:
Whether they are your manager or the janitor- be kind and be fair. Speak to folk the way you would want them to speak to you. Don't just be nice to someone because they are in a position of authority, and don't pretend to be someone you're not. You'll probably get on better with them that way.
8. Everything costs something:
A classic, but it's true- there is no such thing as a free lunch. Whether it's time, actual money or a gift, every little thing in life adds up.
9. Time is too precious for fall outs:
Is what you are arguing about just now going to matter tomorrow? If not, then you are probably wasting your time and taking your anger out on someone who is irrelevant to your actual problem. None of us know what is going to happen next, and you don't to leave things on a bad note with anybody- so try to be calm where possible and always apologise.
10. Ask for help when you need or want it:
Whether you're writing a CV, building a bed or struggling to cope with what life has thrown at you- ask for help. It is neither shameful nor a sign of weakness if you don't feel able to do something alone, and there is always somebody more qualified around to guide you.
11. Soft toys are not lame:
I left Pink Ted at home when I first started uni, thinking nobody else my age still had childhood bears. I was wrong. Ted is now friends with Pyjama Ted, Christmas Bear, Snowy and Twitter, and we are all very proud parents.
12. Say "I love you" when you feel it:
An important one, if you ask me, as I am an immensely affectionate person. Whether it feels right when filling a comfortable silence or hanging up the phone, if you love somebody then tell them. Remind them. Knowing you are loved by friends, partners, family or anyone is a beautiful feeling that is worth sharing.
13. Things get better:
It is not a cliché if it's true. No matter what you are going through, it will pass. It has an ending. Looking back at number 1, nothing lasts forever and it's important to remember that this applies to bad things too. And it is worth waiting around to see the other side.
14. If it helps you then it is valid:
One of my friends turned to me after I had a bit of a wobble last year and said, "it's not weak, it's looking after yourself", and this has always stayed with me. Do what you need to do to improve your life, whether it's blocking someone on social media or meditating or seeking therapy or anything at all, you must always put your own needs first.
15. Read widely and often:
Books, newspapers, academic journals or blogs, reading is so good for you. Educate yourself and learn more about things that interest you. Not only will you be a more articulate person, but I'm pretty sure you'll also be more interesting.
16. Make time for the people who make time for you:
It hurts when people don't put in the same effort with you as you do for them, but sometimes it's better to learn to let go. Recognise the people who are really there for you and invest more of your efforts with them.
17. Say no to things:
Lol. Big lol. I am still kind of learning this one, but the point is that I'm aware of it. Don't have time for it? Say no. Don't have the money? Say no? Don't like the people?! BIG NO. Please refer to this old blog post for the full life lesson x
18. Choose memories:
Okay, so good grades and having a bit of money behind you is important. But so is living your life. Take lots of photos and DO THINGS! Pretty sure you will regret the things you said no to more than the stuff you say yes to. Oh, and put down your phone while you're at it.
19. Put your all into everything:
This goes for relationships, friendships, research, decorating, work and hobbies. You name it, invest yourself in it. Nobody got anywhere by half-arsing their way through life.
20. Accept change:
Not from the folk at checkouts, but actual shifts in your life. Embrace when things change out with your control. Learn to flow with it and don't push against it.
21. Platonic love is more important than romantic love:
Trust me, folks, your friends will stand by you and love you far more than any partner will. They know you better than anyone and will be there to pick up the pieces whenever your life starts to fall apart. They should be the true loves of your life.*
Of course, this isn't an exhausted list, but the more prominent lessons I have learned over my 21 years on this planet. Who knows what will make its way onto the next one...
Vicky x
*Maybe I'm just being cynical, and I will happily be proved wrong!
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