Don't Let Life Make You Bitter

Last week, one of my friends turned to me and said:

"I don't understand why life has been so cruel to you"

And in many ways, she's right: from the loss of countless family members, to something as trivial as my rather crappy track record with boys, it's safe to say that my life has been far from an easy ride.

But really, who's life is?

It can be all too easy to become engulfed by the swathes of sadness and negativity that accumulate over the course of your lifetime and allow these feelings to consume and dictate you. I can safely say that sometimes, the only thing you feel like entertaining is self-pity. But it's so important to take a step back and remember that there’s more to life than what goes wrong.

I, for example, find myself hugely lucky to have a family at all, far less have one that love and want me. I am grateful to have the same fair paid job that I landed and enjoyed when I was sixteen. And although my eyes don’t quite work like they should do, at least I have the money to be able to put it right (and, thank GOD, have cured the curse of my lazy eye. In the words of my dad: “little victories, Vicky, little victories”).

So why do all of these things matter?

Among some of the misfortune and sadness in my life recently, I have stumbled across a fair few podcasts and Fearne Cotton's series 'Happy Place' (which you can find here) has become a firm favourite. It was in her episode with Zephyr Wildman, where her friend talks openly about the loss of her husband, that she briefly mentions Buddha’s teachings of the Four Noble Truths.

Personally, I was only vaguely aware of this area of Buddhist teachings (presumably it was mentioned in a long forgotten RME class in primary school) and their conversation sparked me to look a little bit deeper into it.

Though somewhat morbid, it essentially teaches us that “life is suffering”. Cheers, Buddha.

“50% is desirable, 50% is undesirable. 50% is comfort, 50% is discomfort”. And once you come to think about it, it’s not far wrong. For every bad thing that happens to you, something good comes along to balance it out one way or another. And I think it’s hugely worthwhile taking the time to remind yourself of all the positive things around you, whether it be family, friends, your job, or even just a damn good view.

Whenever I find myself slipping into an ‘undesirable’ place as Wildman describes, I like to spend a few minutes in my bed at night thinking of all the things I had to be grateful for that day. Of course, some days are easier to compile a list than others, but it was making that mental list on the days that I found the hardest that I found it to be the most worthwhile. Falling asleep knowing that although it felt like the world was against me, there were still snippets of goodness making life worth living, was a hugely sobering exercise.

What I also think is important to remember is that you are entirely powerful over yourself. Yes, you may not be able to control the way people behave towards you or certain things that happen, but what you do have control over is the way you think and the way you act. You are as happy as you make your mind up to be, and I’d say that that is what matters in amongst all of life’s downfalls. You can spend a lifetime entertaining the suffering that good ol’ Buddha has noted life to consist of, but where the hell does that get you? Why waste time living in misery over what, essentially, is only 50% of your existence, when you could give 100% to the other 50.

As the old saying goes: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Make something sweet of something sour. Make the most of what life throws at you. Because in the end, we’re all muddling along the best we can. Do not become defined by your struggles or ‘speedbumps’, instead, become defined by how you accept and overcome them.

No amount of good on this planet will stop life from being unfair, but it is a hell of a lot easier to come to terms with by making peace with it.

So basically, don’t let life make you bitter.

Vicky x